Coping with feelings as holidays end

If you have or had an eating disorder, January can be difficult emotional territory. The promises of the new year and  the activities of the holidays fade. Coping with feelings can be difficult when days are the usual Monday through Friday with a week-end attached, just like before.

The hope for sudden and lasting change fragments. If you were happy during the holidays you hoped it would set a new trend for your everyday life. If you were sad and lonely during the holidays you hoped that you would start a new way of living that would bring in more friendship and community.

Meaning of "Fully Recovered" from an eating disorder


A thirty-three year old man wrote to me saying he had been a binge eater most of his life and now was fully recovered. Food has been a non issue for two years.

Of course, I am glad he is happy with the strides he has made in his life. But his post got me to thinking about what recovery means.

I have been working since 1980 with people who have and who have had eating disorders.  People have many different attitudes and definitions of being fully recovered.

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Reality of eating disorder in-patient treatment

A wonderful, honest, detailed and accurate description of what it's like to go through an eating disorder in-patient experience is a gift to anyone with an eating disorder.
 
Molly Freedenberg shared her eating disorder recovery viewpoint.Her post dispels myths and fantasies about early recovery. I'm especially glad that her vivid examples make clear that in-patient or residential treatment is the beginning, not the end of recovery work.

It takes many steps and blunders before we reach the first step to deep healing and real recovery.

We can be in pain because we’ve lost a person or an object dear to us. We can be frightened or humiliated because our longed-for plans and expectations have crashed around us. We cry, blame others and blame ourselves. We rail at the injustice around us.

But mostly, we are bewildered and thrashing blindly. Hopefully, we are not reaching for food, drugs, alcohol, dangerous relationships, and risk-taking to escape our bewilderment.

Eventually, our bewilderment is so thorough that we feel forced to ask for help. Even then, we ask for help to get our world in order, to stop pain, and to regain or recreate what we have lost.

Through the course of my forty years as a psychotherapist, I have heard this question from my adult eating disorder patients. Whether they are in their thirties, forties, fifties or sixties, they ask, “Aren’t I too old to resolve this eating disorder? Isn’t it too late for me to change my life?

I’m increasingly grateful for my age. My words of encouragement will not give them a believable response. But my existence as an older woman living a satisfying life does reach them. My presence gives them hope, even in their denial of hope.

But what are the details that bring about healthy change? It’s not diet and exercise. It’s not medication. It’s not a physical makeover or an affair.

An eating disorder forces a person into the body. The sensations of eating, starving, purging, exercising, and chewing on sweets or salt pull a person away from internal experiences of emotion and thought. The person plunges into raw sensation or keeps that plunge in reserve, always knowing the plunge will take her away from what she can’t bear to experience.

Choices of how she will use her time are based on the sensational needs of the body to thwart awareness. Yet she will despair over her behavior, her body and the quality of her life. She wants happiness.

Facts based on reality, not preferred reality, but actual reality, become difficult to grasp. Happiness is fleeting, sporadic and often not recognized when it occurs. Recognizing what is meaningful grounds her in reality and can provide satisfaction throughout her life.

A shelf in my office in front of a window.

Using dream analysis and guided imagery methodology, you can dialogue with your obstacles and discover opportunities. Here’s an example that gives both sides of your dilemma a voice.

Virtual psychotherapy is now the standard way of delivering services. If you've been in therapy and switched from seeing your therapist in person to seeing her online or on Facetime, you may miss the personal presence and setting. But you are grateful that your work continues with the person you trust and with whom you have developed a history.

If you are new to psychotherapy or new to the psychotherapist you are considering, what's it like to start work online? Your questions may include:

1. What's it like to be with this person?
2. How will I feel with her?
3. I get a sense of a person when I am with them. How will I get that sense over a monitor?
4. I need support and warmth. Isn't virtual psychotherapy cold?
5. How can I share intimate personal information to a stranger on a screen?
6. How can she know me if she just sees my face on a screen?
7. What happens in online psychotherapy?
8. I need help. Can this kind of therapy work?