Shared activities with friends are fun and boost your health.

How to make friends is a skill we need as we move through life. Plus, friendship plays an important part in continued eating disorder recovery. Isolation can be familiar and life-draining.

Wandering through grocery store aisles in a state where you feel invisible, just looking for foods that will be good for a binge, is practice for continued isolation. You feel invisible, but what's happening is that the people in the store seem almost ghostlike. It's not that they don't see you. It's that you don't see them.

When you are on the path to recovery, your eating or not eating may be more in harmony with your body's needs. But without friendship, you may roam through your days looking for stimulation and not seeing people.  You may miss opportunities to make friends. You may believe you are as invisible as ever.

How to make friends includes reaching out for friendship

How to make friends includes seeking out people who inspire you and people you can learn from. Discover the joy of moving through life with people who are your teachers and friends. Discover the joy of being appreciated for what you teach by being your honest and natural self.

An eating disorder can isolate you. You remove yourself from other people and spend much time alone in hiding.

However, an eating disorder can isolate you in ways that you may not recognize. You may not be able to imagine an authentic friendship. If you cannot imagine a friendship or be open to possibilities, then you forget and don't learn how to make friends.

Suppose your companions suffer from eating disorders or addictions of any kind and are not committed to recovery. In that case, your eating disorder is still isolating you from a world of health and opportunity. Someone active in their dysfunction will support you in living the same way. If that's happening to you, you place yourself in a bubble of illness and distorted thinking. You keep a life of health and freedom out of reach.

How to make friends

Ask yourself:

Who inspires you?
Who lives in a way that you admire?
Who is doing what you wish you could do?
Who makes you think of things that open your imagination?

Maybe you know them.
Maybe you hear about them in the news.
Maybe you read about them in books, or perhaps they have written the books.
Maybe they are painters, musicians, teachers or CEOs.
Maybe they seem to remain calm in adversity and, rather than fight, seem to always look for peaceful solutions.

Or maybe they are not famous or renowned in any way but seem to have happy families and a good relationship with their husbands in long-term marriages.
Maybe they laugh a lot and have friends they enjoy.
Maybe their grown children take delight in visiting them.

If your eating disorder haunts you, you might only recognize these people through envy. If you are envious, that means you want what they have and probably have little or no idea how to get it.

Well, there's nothing wrong with wanting something. It's time to let yourself want friendship and even let yourself have friendship.

Your envy is helpful if you recognize it as a signal that you see something, like a potential friendship, that you'd like to have for yourself. A key factor in how to make a friend is to increase your awareness of what you want. Once you have that awareness, you can pay attention to what is required to bring it into your life. Envy may well be the mother of inspiration.

Your challenge is to break out of the eating disorder bubble that prevents friendship and put yourself in environments where you are closer to people you wish were your friends. Here is a system are some tips on how to make friends. This approach is gradual.

You can begin gently by staying home and reading their books and articles or watching their films.
You can go out and view their art.
You can be more daring and take a class from them - in person is best.

If they are in the news, you can write them - more than once. If they are near your life somehow, you can invite them to lunch or tea or to join you in doing something you think they would enjoy.

Another angle is to have a learning experience in something they represent and later contact them with your new learning as a bridge. In other words, if you believe you have nothing in common with them, give yourself an experience that gives you something in common.

Start building your friendships before you know them. Take a class, volunteer, or visit a place. Then, contact them with a question or a thought.

To heal and recover from an eating disorder, you need to grow beyond your present limitations. Allowing friendship in your life is part of that.

Eating disorder recovery is not about stopping the behavior. It's not about control. It's about regeneration. It's about reviving your natural development as a human being, a process that will never end for as long as you live.

You can find a way to join in on the fun of living well and with people around you who are living well, too. Friendship brings unexpected joy.

What kind of people do you wish were your friends? Perhaps you already know someone you admire and wish was your friend. Do you?

Resources to explore how to make friends

Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Written by Joanna Poppink, MFT. Joanna is a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in eating disorder recovery, stress, PTSD, and adult development.

She is licensed in CA, AZ, OR and FL. Author of the Book: Healing Your Hungry Heart: Recovering from Your Eating Disorder

Appointments are virtual.

For a free telephone consultation, e-mail her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.