(Example of healing self talk and the power of journal writing. Printed with permission)  *pix

Christmas is coming, and I’m alone. I feel abandoned by a world of people who are happily busy in gayety and plans for more.

Is this true? Do my feelings reflect reality?

My family is punishing me for not being obedient. I am stretching my heart and mind into realms that intrigue me and offer me new satisfying direction. That's belittled.

I’m not included in celebrations. I’m invited to events with 20 minutes notice. I don’t respond.

I am no longer stripping myself of energy, time and money to perform people pleasing behavior for people who are never pleased.  And I feel frightened, alone and sometimes desperate.

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Welcome to more personal power in recognizing and dealing with abuse. The November 28, 1019 New York Times article, “The Wisdom Your Body Knows, You are not just thinking with your brain,” brings together information that can clear your fuzzy manipulated thinking when you are confronted with an abuser of any kind.

Information on the workings of the vagus nerve is new to me. I’ve seen brief articles that recommend sleeping on your right side, meditating, doing deep breathing exercises and more to nurture your vagus nerve. But I didn’t comprehend the significance of vagus nerve activity until I read David Brooks’  New York Times article.

Within our psyche we carry the known and unknown about ourselves. This is a tricky statement. What we think we know about ourselves may be influenced by what we don’t know about ourselves. When the unknown reveals itself we may have a different experience of being who we are.

When Bobby Darin learned that his sister was really his mother and his mother was really his grandmother, it was an emotional catastrophe for the singer/actor.  Our identity as we understand ourselves may be different than what we believed once we know what has been hidden about who we are.

For a positive change in your life, you need to rally new, energizing inspiration from within and act.

Is that possible? How do you do that? If you are miserable or just plain bored or guilty about procrastinating, what can you do to rouse yourself into a spirited and satisfying way of living?

Bear the conflict. Eventually, if you follow step 1 and step 2 you will feel uncomfortable. You will feel afraid or mad or so angry and depressed you want to blame something or someone or many people or conditions for your emotional pain.

You can get through this stage without understanding, relying on a devil may care act of desperation. But that often does not work. If you try to break the conflict in yourself through dangerous activities you are not trying to die, although you may. You are trying to stop the pain by taking extreme distracting action.

Prepare a stable base for when you inevitably lose your balance. You will regroup in a new and more solid way.

Now, you take on the task of working through the polarized tensions in yourself to evolve out of the status quo and into your more developed life.

You are not the first to make this journey. This journey has been happening since human beings stood on two legs and maybe earlier than that. After all, it was the life force that brought us up to stand.

People can find their stable base from which to take this journey in many ways.

Leonardo DaVinci found his base in nature, as do many who can see through life forms to the metaphors and actions of natural life forces. Ray Bradbury found his base in libraries, as do many who discover the people and perspectives from across time who wrote and filled the books that bring us worlds we never dreamed of on our own. We recognize them when we find them.