Self Worth and Psychotherapy: Inner Authority: rising through barriers to bloom as yourself
A foundational recovery reflection

A note to readers

I wrote this article, "Self-worth and Psychotherapy," years ago, during a period when many people were first encountering affirmations as a means to change how they felt about themselves. At the time, the language mattered. It still does. What has changed is my understanding of how self-worth and psychotherapy actually work together over time.

I now see these statements less as words to repeat and more as moments of psychological friction. They bring resistance to the surface. They show where fear persists and where inner authority has been disrupted. I have kept this article largely intact because it reflects that learning curve and because some readers still find it helpful when read as a reflection rather than a rule.

Self-worth and the work of psychotherapy

In my psychotherapy practice, I often meet women who have spent years doubting themselves without realizing how thoroughly that doubt has shaped their lives. They come in tired. Careful. Accomplished in many ways, yet uncertain when it comes to their own needs, judgments, and sense of self-respect.

This is where self-worth and psychotherapy meet. Therapy does not impose confidence. It creates a space where a woman can begin to notice how her inner life has been shaped by early relationships, cultural expectations, and experiences that required self-erasure.

Sometimes, a simple self-statement can interrupt that pattern. Not because it is true in any absolute sense, but because it introduces a pause in a long-standing internal dynamic.

Statements like:

I am worthy of respect.
My needs matter.
I am allowed to choose based on what I value.

do not erase history. They do not dissolve grief or undo harm. What they can do is interrupt an inner critic that has long insisted on compliance, perfection, or self-sacrifice as the cost of safety.

See: 

Where limiting beliefs take root

Most limiting beliefs are not chosen. They are learned early, often quietly, through family roles, attachment patterns, and cultural messages about gender, value, and obedience.

Beliefs such as:

I am only valuable when I take care of others.
I should not ask for too much.
I need to be perfect to be loved.

often began as adaptations. They helped a child survive emotionally, avoid rejection, or maintain connection. Over time, these adaptations hardened into internal rules that now restrict self-worth and undermine agency.

Depth psychotherapy helps uncover how these beliefs formed and how they continue to operate. Rather than arguing with them, therapy examines what they once protected and what they now cost.

Inner critic recovery and borrowed authority

The inner critic rarely speaks in its own voice. It borrows language from authority figures past and present.

I hear echoes like:

You are not ready.
You should defer.
Do not make trouble.
Let someone else decide.

These voices may come from professionals, partners, employers, or family members. When they align with an internal belief in one’s own inadequacy, compliance can feel inevitable. Inner-critic recovery begins by recognizing that these voices are learned, not inherent.

Psychotherapy slows this process down. It helps a woman distinguish between guidance and subjugation, between caution and fear, between true limitation and inherited doubt.

See:  Reversing the Narcissist’s Gaze 

When discomfort appears

Many people report feeling uncomfortable when attempting to hold a statement such as “I deserve respect.” The discomfort can be sharp. It may show up as disbelief, irritation, or shame.

This reaction is not a failure of self-worth work. It is information.

Thoughts such as:

I am too old.
I am not good at that.
I should not speak.
I will embarrass myself.

often rise precisely because something new is pressing against an old structure. Awareness arrives first. Change follows later. In psychotherapy, this discomfort is explored rather than overridden. It points directly to the place where inner authority has been compromised.

Language can interrupt. Psychotherapy integrates.

Language alone does not create lasting change. What it can do is interrupt a familiar internal pattern long enough for choice to appear.

I often think of this as creating a small pause. A breath. A moment where reaction is no longer the only option.

Psychotherapy strengthens that pause. It helps a woman notice when she is about to override herself and supports her in choosing differently, even when fear or doubt is present. Over time, this is how self-worth becomes lived rather than imagined.

During my own recovery from narcissistic abuse, early statements such as “My feelings are valid” felt foreign to me. I did not believe them. But something subtle began to shift. In a charged conversation, I noticed myself pausing instead of immediately doubting my perception. That pause changed everything. It allowed me to consider what protected my well-being rather than deferring automatically. The words did not do the work alone, but they helped reveal when something different was possible.

See: When the Bark Splits

From reaction to choice

As awareness grows, choice becomes more available. A woman may still feel pressure, guilt, or uncertainty, but she is no longer entirely captured by them.

Psychotherapy offers a place to examine these moments carefully. To think through consequences. To practice responses that align with self-respect rather than fear. This is how inner authority develops in psychotherapy, not as bravado, but as clarity.

Over time, others often respond differently. Boundaries become clearer. Decisions feel more grounded. Therapy helps make sense of these changes without turning them into demands for perfection.

See: 

Claiming the Lost Self: An Essential Task for Midlife Women — a seven-part series.

Why psychotherapy matters

Self-statements can expose inner conflict, but psychotherapy provides the relationship that makes change sustainable.

Therapy offers:

a place where discomfort can be explored safely
language that reflects lived reality rather than wish
support for translating insight into action

Without this context, words can become another way to pressure oneself. With it, they become signals pointing toward deeper recovery.

Closing reflection

Self-worth and psychotherapy are not about forcing belief or adopting a new identity. They are about restoring a woman’s relationship to her own perceptions, values, and choices.

Statements that affirm self-worth are not truths to impose. They are invitations to notice what resists, what fears visibility, and what longs to be taken seriously. When supported by depth psychotherapy, they can mark the beginning of a different relationship to authority, agency, and self-respect.

Selected resources

Books

Healing Your Hungry Heart: Recovering from Your Eating Disorder – Joanna Poppink, MFT
Self-Therapy for Your Inner Critic – Jay Earley and Bonnie Weiss
Radical Acceptance – Tara Brach

Educational resources

National Alliance on Mental Illness
PositivePsychology.com selected clinical articles

If you would like to explore self-worth and psychotherapy within my depth-oriented virtual practice, I offer secure sessions for women in midlife and beyond. A free telephone consultation is available.
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