*pix   Diane Keaton RIP  Beloved and forever remembered   2025

(written in 2011) When I saw the headline, My five-year bulimia nightmare, by Diane Keaton, I felt pangs of sorrow and a tender connection with Diane. (Her book,Then Again, discusses her bulimia experience).

Path to healing

Summary

Eating disorder behavior as panic attack reveals how the body tries to regulate overwhelming emotion. Understanding this connection between body and psyche opens a path to genuine recovery through depth psychotherapy and emotional awareness.

Eating Disorder Panic Attack: The Hidden Panic Beneath Control

For many people, eating disorder behavior can be a form of panic attack. What appears to be control — counting calories, restricting food, purging, or exercising beyond exhaustion — is often the body’s attempt to stop inner chaos. The surface appears disciplined, but underneath lives panic, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm. The person may not tremble or gasp for breath as in a typical panic attack; instead, the panic shows itself through urgent and repetitive behavior around food.

Midlife Women and the Cost of Compliance: Which path do you take?

How cultural roles shape identity—and how to claim a life of your own

At a Glance

• Compliance can appear as kindness or devotion—but often comes at a cost to women, erasing their autonomy and identity.
• Midlife brings a reckoning: the roles once rewarded no longer fit or sustain us.
• Suppressing needs and desires often leads to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, or compulsions.
• Depth psychotherapy offers a path to rediscovering your authentic self and living life on your own terms.
• Also see Worksheet: Midlife Women's Compliance, Reflections on Cost and Current Choices.

I. The Shape of a Life Not Chosen

For many women, compliance begins as a means of survival. It looks like kindness, generosity, and cooperation. But, beneath the surface, it can mean living according to pressures and expectations that originated outside of her true self.

These pressures aren’t always overt. Sometimes they arrive wrapped in love, guidance, or reward. Other times, they’re enforced through punishment or exclusion. Over time, they become internalized.

A woman learns to police herself. She believes her desires are excessive, her needs inconvenient, her longings shameful. She stays quiet. She adapts. She tries to be what is wanted.

By the time she reaches midlife, the shape she has formed herself into may be all she knows. But it doesn’t fit. It never did.

II. Where Compliance Comes From

From childhood, women are trained to please, adapt, and serve. Culture, religion, family, school, and peer relationships all participate in shaping this early conditioning.

• A girl is praised for being quiet and cooperative.
• She’s rewarded for meeting others’ needs before her own.
• She’s criticized or excluded when she asserts herself.
• Her education often prepares her to support others rather than lead.

Over time, she learns to take pride in being useful and supportive—even as her contributions are overlooked or absorbed into someone else’s success.

The tragedy isn’t just that others fail to recognize her value. It’s that she’s been conditioned not to claim it herself.

III. The Voice That Lives Inside Her

By adulthood, external control is no longer necessary. Compliance becomes self-policing. Now an adult, the woman hesitates to speak her mind. She shames herself for wanting more—more respect, more rest, more life.

Signs that compliance has become self-erasure include:

• Reluctance to ask for recognition or support.
• Avoiding conflict at any cost.
• Dismissing her ambitions or desires before naming them.
• Feeling guilty when setting boundaries.

And symptoms emerge: anxiety, depression, compulsions, fatigue, and eating disorders. These are often treated in isolation, but they’re rarely random afflictions.

“The self she has had to suppress to comply is demanding to be heard.”

(Read more: Women and the Stages of a Midlife Breakthrough)

IV. Outliving the Script

Women are raised into roles with clear cultural value: to be desirable, supportive, fertile, and emotionally available. These roles are rewarded—but they have an expiration date.

By midlife, a woman may find she no longer fits into any recognizable cultural category. She has outlived the script, but she hasn’t died.

“When a woman crosses a certain age, the culture doesn’t know what to do with her.”

For many, the response is to hold onto earlier roles with intense effort. We see it in:

• Cosmetic surgeries and Botox treatments.
• Rigorous exercise and restrictive diets.
• Striving to preserve a youthful appearance to maintain social acceptance.

But when a woman shows up fully—intelligent, sexual, assertive—she risks criticism or mockery. Her presence challenges the narrative that she is supposed to disappear.

(Related reading: Midlife Women: When Disapproval Validates and Approval Undermines)

V. History Repeats

This isn’t new. During World War II, when men left to fight, women stepped into roles in factories, shipyards, and offices. “Rosie the Riveter” became a national symbol of women’s strength and capability.

But when the war ended, women were fired, sent back home, and expected to resume domestic roles so men could return to the workforce. Their competence was acknowledged only temporarily.

We see this pattern repeated: a woman is allowed to step forward only under exceptional circumstances—and only for a limited time.

VI. The Consequences of a Life Deferred

Long-term compliance has consequences. A woman who has spent decades shrinking herself, denying her needs, and internalizing blame may not recognize the cost until something breaks.

Common consequences include:

• Depression and anxiety
• Compulsions and addictions
• Fatigue and chronic stress
• Eating disorders and body image distress
• Loss of identity and diminished self-worth

Too often, treatment focuses on the symptom rather than the cause. The compliance—the life lived under imposed roles—remains unexamined.

Worse, a woman’s desire for autonomy, freedom, and vitality may itself be pathologized. She may be told she’s unstable, selfish, or erratic for refusing to comply. But the disturbance isn’t in her—it’s in the system that demanded her silence.

(Read more: Midlife Women as Consciousness Pioneers)

VII. She Is Not Alone

Some women, at great cost, stop complying. Not to rebel, but because they can no longer lie to themselves.

They begin to listen inwardly. They ask hard questions:

• Who decided this life for me?
• What if I want something different?
• What does freedom look like for me?

At first, they may feel lost. There is no script for the woman who refuses to vanish. But she is not alone.

Across generations and cultures, more women are choosing to live on their own terms, meeting their true identities for the first time, and discovering how to stand, speak, and hold ground—even when the world pushes back.

Summary

Midlife often brings a quiet reckoning. The roles that once kept you safe no longer fit. Compliance may have protected you, but it has also constrained you.

You are not wrong for wanting more. You are not unstable for seeking freedom. You are discovering what has been limited and stepping into your authentic life.

And you are not alone.

 

From My Library

• Midlife Women: When Rage Becomes a Healing Force
• Midlife Women Worksheet: Power After Narcissistic Manipulation
• Women and the Stages of a Midlife Breakthrough
• Midlife Women as Consciousness Pioneers: Claiming Your Unlived Life

Feminist & Depth Psychology

• Karen Horney — Feminine Psychology
• Virginia Woolf — A Room of One’s Own
• George Sand — Memoirs and Letters

An Invitation to Depth Psychotherapy

“If these themes resonate with you, I invite you to explore depth psychotherapy with me. Together, we can uncover the patterns holding you back, heal what has been silenced, and help you claim a life that is fully your own.”

Even if compliance shaped your life, it doesn’t mean your life was empty. You may have had sincere joy, delight, and meaning within the roles you were given. But those joys were often time-limited and role-limited. Now, in midlife and beyond, you may want more—and different. You may not even know yet what that “more” is.

Depth psychotherapy with me offers a space to discover it. Together, we explore what compliance has cost, what joy has already lived in you, and what is waiting beyond roles handed down by others. You don’t need to make this journey alone.

Joanna Poppink, MFT

Licensed in CA, AZ, FL, and OR, online appointments only

For a free telephone consultation, write: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

The Narcissist’s Playbook: What One Midlife Woman’s Awakening Reveals Herself and Our World

By Joanna Poppink, MFT
Private Depth Psychotherapy for Women in Midlife and Beyond

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Introduction: Midlife Woman Sees What Was Always There

Louise, a 63 year old now divorced professional woman with an active professional career, adult children and growing grandchildren, has spent a lifetime under the influence of narcissists.

She didn’t always know it. She remembered fragments—sharp criticisms, confusing praise, the constant undertow of self-doubt. But she couldn’t see the pattern clearly. Not yet.

Over time, with determination and support, she began to heal. She saw how the praise was a trap, the criticism a leash. She began to build her own life, one breath and boundary at a time. Yet even as she stepped into freedom, echoes of the past haunted her—unconscious beliefs, old fears, hidden loyalties to the very people who hurt her.

Then one day, Louise opened her phone.

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Recognition on a National Scale

Her screen filled with alerts:

• Medicare and Medicaid under attack

• Public education gutted

• Free speech threatened

• Programs for hungry children slashed

• Federal agents kidnapping people from public parks, homes, and shelters—disappearing them into detention centers

• Local businesses closing, unable to survive

• Asylum seekers and refugees brutalized

• Global hunger ignored

A terrible recognition passed through her body.

This isn’t just politics. It’s personal.
These are the same tactics the narcissist used on me.

Gaslighting. Threats. Withholding care. Attacking vulnerability. Enforcing silence. Destroying hope. Hollowing out meaning.

She saw the narcissist’s playbook now operating on a national scale.

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The Parallel: Personal Abuse and Public Betrayal

For those who’ve lived under narcissistic control, the tactics of authoritarianism are not abstract—they are familiar.

When you've been groomed to accept cruelty as love, and erasure as protection, it becomes easier to miss the signs in public life.

But once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

The rage rises. The body tightens. The grief comes. The betrayal feels total.

This midlife woman—like many midlife survivors—is not just reacting to headlines. She is reliving her trauma, this time reflected on the world stage.

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This Midlife Woman's Rage Is Sacred

Louise feels her rage in her gut. Her throat. The base of her skull. Behind her eyes.
She feels sick. She’s exhausted. But beneath the weariness is a rising, ancient, undeniable truth:

She is furious.

And that anger is not a problem. It is a power.

Rage, when witnessed and directed, becomes moral clarity. It tells us what we will no longer tolerate—what must never be allowed again.

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Therapeutic Steps Toward Healing and Action

How can Louise or any midlife woman carry this awareness—this grief, rage, and recognition—and not be crushed by it?

She must turn inward, ground herself, and choose how to live from this new level of truth.

1. Validate the Echo

• Say to yourself: “This is real. What I’m seeing—and what I’m feeling—is real.”

• You are not too sensitive. You are attuned.

2. Care for Your Body

• Drink water. Walk in nature. Breathe deeply. Nap.

• These are not escapes—they are strategic replenishment.

3. Channel the Anger

• Write. Paint. Scream. Organize. Vote. Speak.

• Let your rage fuel you toward protecting what you love.

4. Choose Your Focus

• You don’t need to fix everything. Focus on one realm where you can take meaningful action—education, hunger, civil rights, the environment, community healing.

5. Connect with Others Who See

• Find a group, a circle, a friend. Let your clarity grow stronger with others.

• Mutual witnessing transforms pain into power.

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Midlife Women's Reflection Questions

• Where do I see the tactics of personal abuse echoed in public life?

• What part of me is being reawakened by what I see around me?

• What kind of world do I want to protect—and how can I begin, even in a small way, today?

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You Are Not Alone

This moment of recognition is not a breakdown. It’s a breakthrough.

The woman in this story could be any one of us. She could be you.

You are not crazy. You are waking up.
You are not weak. You are responding with your full humanity.
And you are not alone.

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Resources for Support and Action

Psychological Healing

• Joanna Poppink, MFT – Depth Therapy for Midlife Women
  🌿 https://www.eatingdisorderrecovery.net

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
  📘 https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score

Civic Awareness and Resistance

• Protect Democracy
  ⚖️ https://protectdemocracy.org

• States United – The Authoritarian Playbook
  📄 https://statesuniteddemocracy.org/report/the-authoritarian-playbook/

• Gaslit Nation Podcast
  🎙️ https://www.gaslitnationpod.com

• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
  🎨 https://juliacameronlive.com/the-artists-way/

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Call to Action

If this story resonates with you—if you’re waking up to the pain, the patterns, and the truth—know that support is here.

I work with midlife women who are reclaiming their voice, their power, and their vision for a more just and loving world.

I'm licensed for private online psychotherapy work in CA, AZ, FL, OR.

✨ To arrange a free telephone consultation, email me: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Summary

This article explores how a midlife woman’s awakening from narcissistic abuse parallels her growing awareness of national and global injustice. As she recognizes the same manipulative tactics in politics that once controlled her personally, she experiences rage, grief, and clarity. The post offers a therapeutic arc from overwhelm to empowerment, encouraging readers to honor their anger, care for their bodies, and take focused, values-based action.

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FAQ

Q: Why does the news make me feel like I’m reliving my trauma?
A: Because you are witnessing patterns—gaslighting, cruelty, control—that mimic what you once survived. Your nervous system is responding to real danger and past memory.

Q: Is anger bad for my healing?
A: No. Anger is a natural, protective emotion. When acknowledged and channeled, it becomes fuel for healthy boundaries and right action.

Q: I feel overwhelmed. How can I do anything useful?
A: Start small. Choose one area of focus. Even one aligned act—calling a representative, writing a letter, comforting a neighbor—builds strength and integrity.

Q: Can psychotherapy really help with this level of pain?
A: Yes. Depth therapy can help you understand how past trauma shapes your reactions, build resilience, and reclaim your full self so you can live with clarity and purpose.