Eating Disorders and Narcissistic Abuse: Why you attract narcissists

Eating Disorders and Narcissistic Abuse are often related.

Eating disorders and narcissistic abuse: learn how to understand exploitation in relationships and Its connection to eating Disorders

1. The Emotional Conflict in Relationships

• Feelings of Generosity and Power: Many women with eating disorders feel generous and powerful in their relationships.
• Contradictory Feelings: At the same time, they often feel weak, exploited, bewildered, and afraid of abandonment.

2. Self-Criticism and Underutilization of Gifts

• Harsh Self-Criticism: Women in this situation are often very critical of themselves.
• Neglecting Personal Gifts: They fail to use their creativity, intelligence, determination, and other talents to enhance their lives.
• Disconnect from Desires: They may not even know their deep, authentic desires.
• Feeling Like a Failure: Despite external validation (e.g., awards, achievements), they struggle to believe in their worth.

3. Dynamics of Exploitation

What Attracts Exploiters to You:

• They notice the talents you are not using for yourself.
• They praise your abilities and invite you to contribute to their projects.
• You accept this as part of being a friend, loving family member, or partner, often receiving little in return beyond their appreciation.

What Attracts You to Exploiters:

• Their compliments and recognition of your talents bring temporary relief and pleasure.
• You feel valuable through their approval and devote your energy to their needs.

4. Examples of Exploitation Scenarios

Eating disorders and narcissistic abuse connect when you discover you are pouring your energies into the narcissist's projects with little or now recognition or satisfaction for your efforts. Your reward is supposed to be the narcissist's success or pleasure. If the narcissist does not get success or satisfaction or enough of either, you will be blamed. With no conscious awareness of the abusive cycle you live with you will eat and throw up or starve yourself to get some psychological and emotional equilibrium under these demands and assaults. 

Tasks you take on to serve the narcissist

• Assisting in starting or running a business.
• Designing promotional material.
• Financially supporting their poor money habits.
• Entertaining their social circle.
• Smoothing over their personal or professional difficulties.
• Teaching their children or helping with projects.
• Managing family businesses with unfulfilled promises of ownership.

5. Why You Continue to Be Exploited

• Desire for Love and Security: You hope to gain love and protection through your sacrifices.
• Feeling Competent Through Others: You feel productive and valuable by supporting someone else, delaying your own dreams.
• False Justification: You convince yourself that their life is your life, deriving satisfaction from their success.

6. How Exploitation Is Maintained

• Subtle Sabotage: When you try to focus on your own goals, the exploiter may undermine or criticize you.
• Accusations of Selfishness: They may accuse you of being selfish or overly sensitive for wanting to limit your contributions.
• Emotional Manipulation: Their reactions confuse and hurt you, leading you to double down on your efforts to regain their approval.

7. Defending Your Role

• Arrogance as a Defense: You might develop a sense of superiority, viewing your sacrifices as noble.
• Fatigue as a Badge of Honor: Feeling drained becomes proof of your love and dedication.
• Resistance to Change: Attempts to change this dynamic are often met with resistance from both you and the exploiter.

8. The Emotional Toll and Its Connection to Eating Disorders

• More profound Emotional Pain: This dynamic can lead to despair and anger and eventually deepen disordered eating behaviors.
• Perpetuation of Pain: Being discarded after years of exploitation intensifies grief or rage.
• Throughout all the phases of the narcissistic abuse you will use your eating disorder to numb your feelings and destroy any possibility of awareness. You feel pain, but you accept blame for your supposed failures to satisfy the narcissist. This drives you deeper into your eating disorder behaviors.

9. Hope and Recovery

• Turning Point: For some, this intense emotional pain becomes a catalyst for seeking psychotherapy.
• The Path to Healing: Therapy offers the opportunity to break free from exploitative relationships, reconnect with personal desires, and build a life based on authentic self-worth. 

• It would be best if you had a psychotherapist who understands both eating disorders and narcissism to share and support your recovery journey.

   

  Written by Joanna Poppink, MFT. Joanna is a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in eating disorder recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery, stress, PTSD, and adult development.

  She is licensed in CA, AZ, OR and FL. Author of the Book: Healing Your Hungry Heart: Recovering from Your Eating Disorder

  Appointments are virtual.

  For a free telephone consultation, e-mail her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

  Resources:

  The Owl Was a Baker’s Daughter by Marion Woodman

  Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood

  Emotional Vampires by Albert J. Bernstein
  Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Karyl McBride
  Healing Your Hungry Heart by Joanna Poppink
  
  

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