In 1991 I was co-hosting a radio talk show concerning health issues with Tamiko in Beverly Hills, California. She asked me to write  "Ten Tips to Stop Overeating" that we could offer our listeners. Her idea was to create a card that people could tack on a refrigerator door. (Second part of interview.)

I liked the idea of writing something that would help people understand how to stop overeating. It had to be longer than a simple card.

I thought of my own eating disorder history, of bingeing and throwing up for may years in secret, long before bulimia had a name.

If you overeat or binge, you may in your past have experienced something you could not bear to feel or know. Overeating puts a great, numbing shield between you and your awareness of yourself. It is part of an effective system many people develop in order to not fully know their history.

That history may involve events that happened to you, events you witnessed, events you heard about. That history may involve powerful and bewildering emotional experiences you had in the past but did not have the strength or maturity to understand or tolerate. Overeating protects you from knowledge about yourself.

No one can end an effective protective system unless they know they do not need that protection any longer. If the threatening sense of danger you have is a secret from yourself, you have no way to evaluate your safety. Without knowledge of your inner life you can't know when you are out of danger so you will continue to use your protective system, overeating.

Once you know your secrets you begin to learn that you are able to live with the knowledge. You can strengthen yourself through practice and understanding to live your life with more appreciation for the experiences you have survived. Then you will have no need for the methods which keep you numb and oblivious. There lies triumph and freedom.

Continuing the action steps for eating disorder recovery. Let yourself be as alert and natural as the swan. Be still. Let your breath glide and guide you as you reveal yourself to yourself.

What follows are questions that can help determine if you have secrets from yourself. Inner secrets play a powerful role in beginning and maintaining many eating disorders.

Question 10: Do you have body sensations you do not understand?

• Examples of such inexplicable experiences include:
  • Shaking
  • Skin rashes
  • Cold chills
  • Nausea
  • Dizziness

Question 11: Do you feel you will faint on occasion?

• Have you almost proven to yourself that it's not due to physical exercise, illness, PMS or menopause? 

Question 12: Are you often surprised at your own appearance?

• Do you sometimes feel invisible?
• Do you feel you can make yourself so unobtrusive that you feel you are practically invisible?
• Do you enter an invisible feeling when you are buying binge foods or eating them?

Question 13: Are you attracted to people who betray you?

• Do you feel you are wrong and apologize when someone hurts you?

Question 14: Do you sometimes think you are special?

• Do you get angry when others will not alter plans for you?

Question 15: Do you sometimes or often think it is your lot in life to suffer?

Question 16: Do you regularly feel lonely, incompetent and fragile in a harsh world?

• Do you feel that this is the real you, and you must guard against anyone knowing it?
• Do you feel extremely moved, surprised and grateful when someone shows you a small consideration or appreciation?

Question 17: Do you work excessively to achieve cultural prizes like money, degrees, status, adulation, perfect body - all without satisfaction?

• If you try to relax, do you feel unbearable anxiety and not know what to do with yourself?

Question 18: Do you lead a double life?

• Do you keep information and activities hidden from others?
  • Examples include:
    • Sexual liaisons
    • Roles you play in different areas of your life
    • Jobs
    • Future plans
    • Sexual practices
    • Hobbies and personal interests
• Do you lie regularly?
• Do you lie when you don't have a reason and you don't know why you are lying?

Question 19: Do you constantly push the same ideas or information out of your mind because you know you don't want to think about them?

• Do you regularly postpone to the point of not doing an activity at all?
• Do you postpone doing activities where you know in your mind that you could probably do well, but you are too nervous to get started?
  • Examples of this can include:
    • Sending out a completed job application.
    • Sending out a completed school application.
    • Calling someone who might be a mentor for you.
    • Taking an adult education class in something you think might be fun or interesting.
    • Saying yes to an invitation to submit an idea or piece of work which, if accepted, would bring you into contact with new people in a new and challenging setting.

Question 20: Do these questions make you anxious?

If you answer "yes" to many of these questions, you may have a secret from yourself. If you are angry or frightened that these questions exist, you have a secret from yourself. If you feel anxiety thinking about these questions, you have a secret from yourself.

If you are curious and anxious at the same time, you are on the threshold of discovery. Your curiosity can keep you on the healing path.

If you have read these questions and want some genuine answers to questions you have about yourself, despite any anxiety you may feel, you are already on your Triumphant Journey.

In the Secret Discovering Exercises section of Triumphant Journey and the accompanying Action Plan, you will find a way to discover what your secrets are as you simultaneously develop the necessary strength to face them. This is the healing journey that can lead to personal triumph.

Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Written by Joanna Poppink, MFT. Joanna is a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in eating disorder recovery, stress, PTSD, and adult development.

She is licensed in CA, AZ, OR, FL, and UT. Author of the Book: Healing Your Hungry Heart: Recovering from Your Eating Disorder

Appointments are virtual.

For a free telephone consultation, e-mail her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.