The addictive nature of overeating, the anguish, the memory blanks, the inability to stop, the constant search for new diets, the emotional highs of losing weight, and the guilt and shame of gaining it back seem to be consistent and rampant in our culture.

I found myself frustrated that many people looked for an answer in a diet or exercise program. I got angry that desperate, frightened people were being promised answers via diets and exercise programs.

Reasonable diet and exercise programs, if followed consistently, help provide a person with health and strength. But when programs completely bypass underlying issues of eating disorders, the programs are doomed to fail.

The tragedy is that often the person doesn't know it was the program that failed. The person with an eating disorder, already racked with guilt and self-punishing thoughts, is certain that she is a failure. This only perpetuates despair.

It's more apparent than ever that overeating and other related behaviors (starving, compulsive exercise to work off calories, purging through laxatives or vomiting, bizarre eating rituals) are attempts to soothe emotional pain.

Most current research acknowledges that the underlying causes of overeating are complex and profound. Yet people still search for and are being offered diets as answers. You may have tried diets and diet programs only to be disappointed by little or no weight loss.

You may have felt elated by quick weight loss and then frightened and despondent as your weight returned, even to higher levels. If your self-esteem is low and you are accustomed to accepting harsh criticism from others and yourself, you will believe that the fault rests with yourself and not the diet or the program. 

Please do a reality check. Did the diet program help you cope with your anxieties? Did it give you tools to use when you felt too vulnerable to function? Did it give you a way to give yourself healthy limits and the ability to say no when you rushed into experiences you couldn't handle? Did it care for you and provide you with a way to think thoughtfully and considerately about the wisdom of your actions and in-actions? 

Weight loss diets and diet programs are designed to cut calories, increase exercise and take weight off your body. That's all. If you have an eating disorder, they not only don't work in terms of weight loss. They can also trigger your fears, insecurities and difficulties in setting healthy limits so your eating disorder becomes more powerful in your life.

If you have an eating disorder, you don't need a diet. You need to find your eating disorder recovery path that will nourish your mind, body and soul. You need to develop an inner sturdiness that helps you to move beyond your need for your eating disorder so you can be competent and confident in the world.

Triumphant Journey can help you.

Next: Preparation for your Triumphant Journey. Are you an overeater? Checklist

Article: Manipulative Weight Loss Seminars Exposed

Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Written by Joanna Poppink, MFT. Joanna is a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in eating disorder recovery, stress, PTSD, and adult development.

She is licensed in CA, AZ, OR and FL. Author of the Book: Healing Your Hungry Heart: Recovering from Your Eating Disorder

Appointments are virtual.

For a free telephone consultation, e-mail her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Mary's Story

He kicks the couch. She hears the wooden legs scrape against the floor. Her body tight and unmoving, she tries to be as hard and still as the floor. The colors on the TV screen seem to become more vivid to her. She tries to pour her entire being into the screen, making the pictures and sounds her whole world.

Like preparing for any journey, you will need some equipment. In your case the equipment, while intangible, is essential in coping with challenges along the way. Similar to other journeys, you will gain expertise with your equipment and discover new and useful applications by continued practice.

Essential Equipment List

1. Honesty - You will need honesty. Willingness to be honest with yourself clarifies your position, gives you more opportunities of choice and opens your eyes and heart to realistic solutions. The more honest thought you give to your overeating the more opportunity you give yourself to be free.
   
   Being honest you will recognize that your unwanted eating patterns serve to numb your feelings and help you hide from living. The sense of danger which occurs when you do not overeat feels greater than the suffering you experience because you are overeating. By following the workbook exercises you will develop the courage you need to dare to face the fears which accompany a life of not overeating.
   
   
2. Fully accepting that you don't know all the answers - When you know you don't know something, you know something. You become open, curious and more able to learn.
   
   Overeaters usually know what conditions contribute to their overeating. For example they may be familiar with a usual pattern like eating all the leftovers after a party, or overeating when getting home from work or school when they know they are going to be alone. But they don't really know why they are doing this.
   
   Once you know your undesirable food behavior relates to an attempt to help yourself, you can begin to help yourself in new ways. You are at the point of starting your triumphant journey.
   
   
3. Increased self awareness - Self awareness is also part of your equipment. As you become more aware of your emotional states during the times you are vulnerable to overeating, you can discover clues about your inner secrets.
   
   
4. A willingness to learn to recognize limits - Part of honesty and self awareness is the ability to recognize limits. When you recognize the limits of what you know or can do for yourself, you may feel anxious. Learning to tolerate this and be willing to learn something new helps you discover new opportunities.
   
   
5. A willingness to learn to allow other people to hellp - You can overeat, starve or purge alone. You may not be able to stop these behaviors alone. Part of your journey involves a discriminating acceptance of other people's ideas and efforts.
   
   Over time, with practice and growing strength, you can develop this discriminating acceptance of others. But for beginning your journey, all you need is the willingness to try.
   
   
6. Appreciation of realistic time - Overeating numbs you quickly but temporarily. Permanent change takes substantial time to develop. Going from the fast numbing relief of overeating to the gradual development of genuine strength and feeling requires a sense of patience and acceptance of real time.
   
   
7. Kindness - Perhaps the most difficult to use and most essential to carry in your equipment bag is kindness. Sometimes your journey will be arduous and you will be tempted to be severe with yourself. More powerful than any harsh criticism, kindness and gentle encouragement will sustain you. Daily reading out loud of the affirmations in Appendix B can be reinforcing and help you develop this most needed piece of equipment - kindness to yourself.

What follows are questions that can help determine if you have secrets from yourself. Inner secrets play a powerful role in beginning and maintaining many eating disorders.