Yes, it's a struggle to understand this

Yes, it's a struggle to understand this when you are in it. This is about knowing who you are with solid and unquestioning conviction and being wrong. This is where trust and faith come in. This is where "trudging" comes in. This is where you do the HHH exercises without any thoughts about outcome. Your thinking will be entangled with your incorrect but solid beliefs about your identity. This is something you need to grow out of. You heal your way out. You strengthen weak parts of yourself. You expand your awareness and develop the strength and competence to tolerate what comes into your awareness. You cannot reach inside yourself to pull yourself out of this. You have to nurture your entire being so you develop. And that includes setting boundaries and honoring healthy proportions in everything - food, exercise, time with loved ones, time in developing yourself, work, play -- the lot. And it's hard going because your defenses will rise up and tell you that you are not worth any of what genuinely cares for you. So, you trust, have faith, feel bewildered, scared, mad....and you keep trudging! Does this help?