well, this went well...I completely shut

well, this went well...I completely shut down in therapy today. I had such good intentions. I didn't want to talk about anything. I feel like I am wasting precious time and money when this happens. I sat and listened. I sat and spaced out. I just wasnt prepared to do any work today. I didn't want to feel anything. It was hard sitting there. My therapist got out the nutrition book and went thru various foods that have potassium. she starting talking about that "little girl" inside me...I almost got thru the session without crying. But I did take something away...she got me thinking about how badly I am treating my body...how I could have a heart attack if I don't eat better...I want to say that today I went to the cafeteria for lunch and got a salad......but I also got some mashed potatoes...and I ate them. I also ate a half banana mid afternoon..this is a huge variation from my usual intake during the daytime...as I ate i actually allowed myself to recognize I was doing something good for my body...I am scared of my heart racing..I don't want to die. I sit here contemplating dinner...and I find myself getting anxious. I am going to try to just have one day that i eat without fear..I will let you know how my night went. It's weird how my day started..and how that session somehow made an impact despite my attempts to thwart it. I think the bottom line is that my therapist is not giving up on me, and that she is also very honest with me. All she asks is that I listen...I guess I let something sink in a little today...I am grateful. Thanks for letting me share..