wow! I was just having this conversation

wow! I was just having this conversation in my head this morning...and actually alot lately. I was going to talk to my therapist tomorrow about how selfish I feel, how self-centered I feel..how my depression, anxiety, and eating disorder has been all about me and my hurts and my fears..how I have been thru soooo much, no one could possibly hurt more than me, how my problems trump the worlds problems, Heck! my problems are the world's problems ! I often don't feel authentic with others at times because I am too busy focusing on my needs. How selfish right? But then I hear people talk about how caring I am, how giving, how much my friendship means to them, etc., and I realize that all of my negative statements are how I feel about myself. That I am actually wearing myself out trying to focus on my needs, and according to others, focusing on the rest of the world. That wearing myself out with my depression and listening to the "voices" in my head all day, is not "looking after myself". That therapy and support are all good, but if I just think about my problems all day, and do nothing to work thru them, I am not caring for myself. I know it takes time to get to the point where I am receptive to listening to reason. I would LOVE to be able to be truly present with those that I am caring for and about. to not be having my own chatter in the background...It makes a lot of sense that I need to take care of myself first - therapy is a start, but implementing the help is the true work. I long to be real, to really care about others with all my heart...to give back because I have a passion, not just because it's the right thing to do or a philanthropy...and my child's self-decorated sugar cookie looks really good right now...I could care for myself and take a bite and not feel guilty....ok, not quite that reasonable yet....but want to be :)