thanks, shh. you really are quite encouraging!! XX Joanna, I want to say something about your book. I have a similar educational background as you (clinical social worker in a psychiatric acute setting) In your book you talk about how you were actively ill and treating patients. Did you ever feel like a fraud? I feel that way every day. Like I should know better. Like I can help other people but I am not helping myself. I don't open up to my coworkers for many reasons, including shame. Back when you were ill, was it hard to hear the stories of other people with eating disorders, or with depression or sexual abuse histories? There have been times I felt suicidal and actually attempted about 12 years ago and again a few years later...all while I was struggling with my ED and working with patients. I felt like such a loser. The best thing I could do right now is to go into a program inpatient, but I fear having to face my coworkers when I get out...or if my employer would trust me to work with clients. I don't know. I am trying to read your book, but feel it is falling on deaf ears. I know all I seem to do is be a downer on this site, but I don't think lying would be of much help to me right now. I hope everyone can bear with me through this struggle. I see how other people have healed and that the road has not been easy. I do try to post more positive comments when I am feeling a little better :) I am sorry to everyone because I am not as encouraging as I should be, because I am so self focused. I truly do care about each of you, and am encouraged by your posts. Hang in there with me !!