Will I? thanks, but I just want to cry..

Will I? thanks, but I just want to cry...I mean, really, how hard is it to just eat? I am so angry right now. I spend every minute of every day worrying about this ---- ! What is wrong with me? I hate this so much!!! I don't want any encouragement right now...I just want to go to bed...but no, I have to go help my patients get better. Don't get me wrong, guys, I really do feel the love in this room...but right now, I can't do it. I just need to vent...I think I need something more intense for treatment right now. I so cant keep going with these ups and downs with my ED..I feel crazy..and embarrassed to post positive things to only crash a day or two later...