stay aware

Shh you are awesome.

Joanna I have been to many of the sites you visited in Ireland. Coole Park is one of my favorite places. It is only ten minutes from my mother-in-law's house. There is something about walking among the ancient trees that grounds me. The quality of light and air are different in Ireland. It's healing and restful. It's beautiful and spiritual. I'm glad you had a wonderful trip.

My therapist likes to tell me that the "inside matches the outside". Getting rid of physical clutter and following through on household tasks would be beneficial to my state of mind and health. When I have the urge to organize and let go of clutter, then I know that I am moving in the right direction. However, I often start and then quickly become overwhelmed and stop. I do this with my eating habits too. I do this with relationships. 

With my job change, I have had to focus all of my mental energy on learning new information. I've dropped into extreme survival mode. Whatever it takes to make it through was my motto the first month. This is not healthy or helpful. I ended up in the hospital last week with kidney stones as a result. My body said "enough". I have to take care of myself no matter what circumstance I find myself in.   

However, I really am just trying to survive. It's been so long since I have felt remotely like myself that I don't even know who that person is. I can imagine that she is someone from my past, but that is not who I am anymore. I'm caught somewhere in between.