romantic relationships scare me. I becom

romantic relationships scare me. I become panicked when dating because I feel that the only thing the guy is thinking about, is how fast he can get me in bed. I hate feeling this way. I usually bail out after a few dates. I feel it is expected of me to have sex. So I feel that the guy will think i am crazy or weird or "have a problem" if I don't. Well, I do "have a problem"...it's called my grandfather raped me repeatedly for years. I hate men for this. I question thier motives, I question thier sincerity..I don't think anyone could love me just for me. I get so discouraged by seeing the ease at which my friends fall into relationships. I don't know if I will ever resolve this. I am trying to work on it in therapy, but I keep zoning out. It is just too painful. working thru this issue would leave me so vulnerable. I think it would make my ED worse, atleast in the beginning.