I never connected the trust in myself wi

I never connected the trust in myself with the trust I have in others. I thought I trusted myself...or rather, I guess I never thought I didn't. I feel the only person I CAN trust is myself. This being because I can usually anticipate my next move, whether it is healthy or not. I can trust that I won't let anyone hurt me. But this is not what you meant. What do I need? I need to feel safe, to feel happy, to feel authenic. I need to trust that I am not a worthless person and I my life has meaning, that I was not a mistake. I have been so terribly depressed with all of this topic...I am also moving through much of the same content in therapy. I know it is not supposed to be an easy time, but I feel I am just over with trying to deal with it. I won't give up, because I know that's not the answer. i am just so afraid that I will never get "there"...that place where I have dealt with this issue and have worked through it until there is no work to be done. But then I realize the steps I have made in the right direction, such as being able to delve more into this topic without zoning out. I guess I have to be present before I can do any work, so this is a good thing. I need to be more patient with myself. I do want to feel better like "right now"..I think what I need to do- to earn my own trust - is to trust that I can take steps toward healing. To trust in my ability to get through this without giving up, to trust that I am strong enough to do this. To trust that I will find a way to love myself, to trust that I can have the courage to get through this journey. And then, see that because I have taken the leap to trust in myself, things are actually coming together and that the world isn't so scary. It's a daunting task. I need to first learn to slow down and trust that I can "feel" my day without becoming too overwhelmed. I rush, rush ,rush around in an attempt to dodge solitary thoughts and the emotions that down-time brings to me. I will need to trust that I can handle the anxiety that this downtime brings to me, and process what is going on in my head. I would be so glad to work through this as it is so tiring. I think I will work on this starting right this second. hope this makes sense. tracy