I just saw this blog for the first time

I just saw this blog for the first time as I was strolling through for some motivation and inspiration. I like this particular blog. I, too, stopped therapy a few years ago because my meds were working and I was feeling less depressed and anxious. At the time I left therapy, my eating disorder was somewhat in "remission", but I had not fully dealt with my abuse issues. I "decided" it was easier to just stay busy and stuff those memories and the pain deep inside me and just move on. My therapist tells me sometimes that I win the prize for repressing feelings. But, like the client you mentioned above, I re-entered therapy this past summer more depressed and immersed in my eating disorder than ever before, because these issues were so stuffed, and resurfaced. I always thought I couldn't be happy without the "absence of pain". It has always seemed like I could either have one or the other. I rarely see working through pain as a positive thing. Instead, I get too bogged down. What does happiness mean to me? I would like to feel more confident and less scared. I would like to not be so hypervigilent. I would love to be authenic and genuine. I would love to love my job and the people I work with. I would love to be more organized and less hurried. How can I get happy? take my meds, work hard in therapy to deal with the issues that drive my eating disorder, work my journal and excercises from HHH. I love to scrapbook. I started my kids a baby book when they first came to live with me, despite the fact that my eldest was seven at the time. I haven't worked on these in a while, and would love to get everything out and get creative. I know they will love and appreciate these when they are older. I haven't had the energy, but I do remember how centered it helped me feel. I think I will start working on these again this weekend. I love to go to the beach. I haven't taken a mini vacation to the beach in over a year. I only live 90 minutes from the Atlantic Ocean. I think I will take my girls and go for the weekend sometime very soon! I have a lot of catching up to do in the area of mommyhood. I have been quite selfish lately. these are a couple of things that always made me happy. They are very doable, and better yet, I think I am moving in the direction of having the energy and motivation needed to enjoy them. tracy