I finally sat down long enough to watch

I finally sat down long enough to watch the video of Killing Us Softly. I recognize that the intent of this film was to showcase how women are supposed to look and act according to the media. I can see the connection trying to be made here in recognizing that societal ideals are not realistic, and to notice how these ideals impact young women, who carry these ideals into adulthood, and how these ideals affect our psyche. I can see the connection of how these ideals can lead to eating disorders, low self-esteem, and a feeling of not measuring up (to something that rarely even exists in real life). I can agree that I have let such images affect the way I view myself and my body. For these reasons, the film was beneficial to me. This was a triggering film for me, however, in regards to my sexual abuse history. As the video progressed, many images were terrifying to me. I felt my body going numb and my mind drifting into that all familiar fog. I found myself actually crying. Perhaps that is a reaction I was supposed to have? to be disturbed and upset? To be angry with how the media exploits the all too occurring instance of sexual and physical abuse? I couldn't handle the pictures, and finally stopped watching. I sit here still somewhat dazed and writing on auto pilot. I adopted my children, and have no idea what they may have experienced in their young lives prior to coming to live with me. I do know my oldest was exposed to living with a mom who prostituted and was drug addicted. I don't want her seeing these types of images, ever. But I know I can't control the media completely, and that makes me hurt for her.