I could write forever on this topic! I

I could write forever on this topic! I joined SIA (Survivors of Incest Annonymous) a little over a year ago and realized that I had two major self distructive behaviors that stemmed from my childhood sex abuse: ED and avoiding intimacy. My reaction to the idea of being inimate was petty severe. Through lots of work I'm actually starting to see progress in the area of initmacy. A year ago I thought I could never get through this one! But I keep reminding myself that I have made it through the worse of the ED and I've proved that I am a strong and capable woman. One thing that has helped me a lot lately is that I stopped listing all the things I SHOULD be able to do with my partner, or how I SHOULD react to certain stimuli. I'm tuning to my body instead and following what it tells me I want (OMG admitting I wanted to be touched was a big one!!!), what I can handle that day and what I know I can't handle right now. It's hard to admit that I'm human who needs to eat and who needs to be close to people! My past religion made saints out of people who deprived themself of those two things and my goal as a child was to be one of those saints. But I'm slowing accepting my human-ness and trusting that my higher power gave me these desires and made inimacy fun for a reason.....so we can be happy. I'm not totally there yet but my partner is noticing a difference in me. I've asked her not to talk about it because the idea of me becoming a "different person" or "sexually normal" scares the crap out of me......but I'm OK with "trying out" what my body says I should try; hope that makes sense. I wish you the best Tracy! I know the road you're travel well :)