Dear Laura, You don't have to be a Zen master, and being able to tolerate your feelings and think at the same time is crucial for eating disorder recovery. If you feel overwhelmed by your feelings with no way to care for yourself, the logical option is to go numb. And that's where the eating disorder behavior and other behaviors that will override your feelings come in. Building your internal strength and developing psychological structure and "muscle" is needed for solid recovery work. Are you in therapy? I hope you can tell your therapist about what's happening with you and your question here. You might consider getting my book, Healing Your Hungry Heart. It lays out a method to help you both heal and build within your psychological structure for lasting freedom. Many people are bringing this book to their therapists and working together with the exercises. Perhaps you can too. Thank you for writing. Let us know how you are doing.