Are you saying you need to be more careful around your family because you don't want them to notice you are starving yourself? Are you saying you need to be more careful with yourself because you want to nourish yourself so you can live and be healthy? Are you saying you are upset with your mother because she is worried, probably terrified, that you are bringing harm to yourself and may not be able to care for yourself or your children? Are you saying you are worried that your excuses are running out and that you may have to admit that you need to accept more help from a source that is not governed by anorexic thinking? Please, Tracy, begin your day not with firm controlling decisions about what you will eat or not eat. Begin your day with mindful exercises that help you develop the strength to be present for whatever your experience may be. Healing Your Hungry Heart will help you do that. You are fortunate to have people in your life who love you and who you love. When you are caught in the inner conflict you describe, don't try to choose your way based on what you think. What you think comes from a starved brain. Make your decisions based on what is best for your children. They need a healthy, strong and clear thinking mom who will be there for them and raise them up to be healthy, happy, competent adults. What do you need to do for yourself so you are equipped to be their mom in the best way possible?