AAAACK...I spend so much of my life in this place: "When you succumb to a trigger, you feel a sense of guilt, shame, and failure as you add another layer of fear punishment, and helplessness to your original experience." The minute I think I've done something wrong, disappointed or upset or inconvenienced someone, been selfish, made a mistake or not given something my all I go to that place. I'm not going straight to restricting anymore when it happens - I'm able to catch myself there and tell myself that restricting won't help - but the feelings are so intense to deal with. And yes, minor separations are a major ordeal for me too. Joanna - The one thing that is different for me than what is in this post is that I am afraid to feel special. People in my life tell me I'm special and the closer I am to the person the more it makes me feel like I'm going to die. Sometimes my T tells me I am special and I try to practice taking it in and letting it be a good thing that makes me smile for a few minutes. The fear still comes. I think it's from feeling like being special is selfish and it takes something away from others. I'm really confused about the being special thing and whether it's ok or not ok.