Trust

I think my biggest challenge is trusting that my therapist is not tired of me. I have had steps forward and steps backwards. Right now I feel like I'm in a bit of s spiral. I have always been pretty honest with my therapist and I appreciate the same from her.

I am slipping into a fairly rigid grasp with my ED again, however.

Im ashamed to admit to my therapist and to everyone here,  that I am not taking my blood sugar medication and have been losing massive amounts of weight due to my out of control blood sugars. I know what I'm doing. I feel sick about it but I can't stop. I'm desperately afraid to gain weight.

i know this could really damage my organs. I feel crappy all the time. My vision is going and I am so tired. I keep telling myself that I'll just do it one more day.  My last blood sugar was 450. It's amazing how much I can hide from myself. I was blaming the weight loss on my chemo and biologics. For all I know they caused my BS issues.  ??

i feel like I've moved toward authentic goals in the past. I've gotten to the point that I thought UTI myself "I've got this!". This back and forth movement in eating disorder recovery is grueling.

My therapist hangs on in there with me. I do know this will upset her. I feel that she will reach a point where she will give up on me. After all, I'm about to give up on me. Then I have to deal with my PCP getting upset with me. It's my rheumatologist that ordered the labs that caught me. 

I've got to fix this. It could kill me. I love my kids. at the same time I'm terrified to gain weight. Pretty upset right now.
tracy