Oh Tracy, you sound a bit low at the moment.

I know it' can be hard to ask, but if your therapist has been your therapist for years, do you think maybe she would come to some financial arrangements with you, so that you can continue seeing her and she can help you through this bit of a dip?

I think you are doing a really good job of recognising what's going on in your relationships with your parents and in starting to recognise your self-worth, and it sounds like you are trying to figure out ways to hold yourself in that place of worth when others are doing things and putting expectations upon you that undermine that worth. I think it is hard to get yourself to a place where you can feel confident enough of your worth that you can let your father sit with his feelings of disappointment, and accept that that is his, and something that he needs to question, not something that you need to resolve by going against what you feel to be true. And it will come Tracy, you will be able to sit with that as two equal adults, and not still be trapped by the parent-child power differential, but ultimately I think that comes from being able to tolerate other people having feelings or opinions that are not the same as yours and that may be inaccurate, and may possibly paint you in a negative light, but about knowing and believing in yourself and your values enough, that you can tolerate others holding those feelings without needing to react to try to put yourself in a favourable light.

I think that is one of the biggest challenges of therapy, getting to the point where those new seeds of self worth are firmly enough in place that you can tolerate other's views that may well be the truth as they see it, but conflict with yours.

Stay strong Tracy, you're doing great!!! xx