to shh

I agree with your approach at this time.  I don't see how you can safely have a relationship with her at this time. By relationship, I even mean contact. I understand that this would be particularly hard for you not having a therapist with whom to navigate the tough waters.

I went back and read Joanna's response to your first post. I feel torn between wanting to believe Joanna's approach is the healthy and positive way to handle this, and between knowing how it feels to be where you are. You worked really hard to get where you are and are finally feeling good, and like you can breath again. Your girls are expressing to you their desire not to see her, and you are obliging them, knowing it's not a healthy relationship for them at this time.

It is especially hard for me to hear the way she talks to them. She is setting them up for self esteem issues, and possibly eating disorder behaviors which I know would be devastating for you. I don't think you are being revengeful toward your mom. I think you are just trying to protect yourself. 

I am not having contact with my mom at this time. I do not see this being permanent, but I am able to understand where you are coming from and how you feel.

My mom is sick. Her comments come out of deep rooted emotional issues stemming from the way her mother treated her, as well as her father.  What hurts me is when she makes deliberate statements about my kids or me with the intent to hurt me.  What is she accomplishing? Well, she feels so crummy in her own life, that she throws that rock hard...usually without thinking..shoots off the top of her head. We can all be angry and make impulsive statements. But a healthier person will be able to go back and apologize. In my whole life, my mom has apologized to me ONCE. true story.

I hope Joanna can help us with this a little more. Its a definite dilemma to be taking care of oneself, but also purposefully placing oneself in the line of fire -even for a short period of time- as Joanna suggests. Heads up, Shh. I am proud of how far you have come.

tracy