Dear Jackie,

Your courage and grace in the face of such powerful life challenges id stunning.  I had to wait a bit before I could begin to respond to you.

I remember reading a man's discussion about the death of his 12 year old daughter. He was asked, after about six years after her death, "Does the grief begin to fade?"

He said, "No.  It's just as sharp and painful as it ever was.  But it doesn't come as often."

Everything is affected by a loss as great as yours, and you'll use the tools you have, including food binges.  But your clarity and courage comes through your post as you describe you family challenges,
your coming hystorectomy and your retreat journal.

You want the best for your family. You obviously love them very much.  You want more freedome from binges even though you've diminished your need for them. You know you need a change of environment to help give you a different perspective.  And you know that a retreat journal can help you.

You trials are inspirational, Jackie.  I hope you will be kind to yourself as you develop a new way to be the authentic Jacie you are now.  With the death of your son you are plunged into a new way of experiencing yourself as the woman you are now. And now you face a coming hysterectomy.  Your wounds make you more rich and profound, more understanding and kind, and more of a loving healer than you've ever been.

Happy New Year, Jackie.  I feel certain 2014 will show you new and wonderful doors for you to pass through. Thank you for sharing your experience.You are a remarkable woman. Thank you for your presence.  Your family is lucky to have you.