This post is from Diane: Hi Joanna, Reading this entry I look back and reflect that when someone has had an eating disorder for a very long time, the 'highs' and 'lows' no longer have to be dramatic. It becomes easier to make automatic adjustments in the stealthily familiar 'shadowy unhealthy' zone. My weight is at the lowest edge of normal range and I actually eat in a very healthy way; however I eat just under enough to maintain a shape that at my middle age (or maybe any age) would be unrealistic to maintain without discipline. My husband is ill plus other things and I am seeing a therapist to confront these old patterns I return to, but this is so hard. I do nothing dangerous but still use compensatory eating behaviors that only exacerbate anxiety. I hope you're right that checking in at an eating disorders site is a sign I'm getting ready to change. It's the inner struggle that I would like to see keep focusing over things that matter no matter how they hurt-not my weight! Diane