Thank you, Shh. You bring up something that is possible to talk about in terms of healing once real trust, earned trust, is solid. By trust, I mean more than knowing that your therapist is compassionate, cares about you and will stand by you. I mean trust that your therapist can bear what you have to say, can tolerate your experience, be steadfast in herself and with you at the same time. This is why patients "test" their therapists even when they don't know it. It's about finding out what the therapist can bear. A patient wants to have some evidence that her therapist will not be horrified or paralyzed, shocked or too dismayed to carry on the work. It's my job as a therapist to keep learning, growing, developing myself and to keep learning about the human condition so that I am genuinely not shocked or horrified to paralysis. My tolerance has to be real. My patient will know if it's not. Please don't read this thinking that I am or think I am a Buddha who can tolerate everything. I can't. But, I know what I can't and those situations and people are not in my practice. With eating disorders, I have a pretty good idea of the kinds of painful and horrific experiences that may be present in the person's past or here and now life. My awareness is not general. It's specific, down to nitty gritty details. And sometimes, maybe often, those nitty gritty details hold a clarifying path to solid recovery. We are partners in the therapeutic journey. We don't protect each other. We respect each other's limits and communicate as best we can as we proceed...and proceeding includes pausing when necessary - often that's often.