struggling with motherhood and being ove

struggling with motherhood and being overwhelmed with my special needs child. trying to find ways to detach from her meltdowns and screaming that are daily. I don't like taking medications to feel calmer. I can't find those special relaxing moments nor can I find a moment for a PAM when she is screaming. My stomach is in knots every afternoon when she comes home from school. I love her. I need to find a way to figure her out. You would think I would know by now. I have really begun to figure out my issues and settle down. But this issue befuddles me. Need a huge hug today...