Open yourself to the support opportunities around you. Ask for help. AND please remember, when we expect our well being to improve after someone else changes we have given away our power and remain helpless to our emotional reactions stimulated by the behavior fluctuations of someone else. We need to practice our breathing exercises so we can breathe into stressful situations and function from a state as close to peace as we can achieve. Over time, with practice, we can achieve more inner peace during times of challenging stress. You have a special needs child. I appreciate the challenge of this. At the same time, your child is a child. Children pick up on the emotional state of the mother and live it out. Instead of putting the focus on figuring her out, try really putting the focus on you. Do you breathing exercises to release the knots in your stomach. Work on being with her (screaming or not) while you are in an increasingly more relaxed, calm and accepting state. Work on becoming the calm and sturdy presence she can't create within herself. Then she can lean on you emotionally and draw from your calm and loving strength. I know this is not easy to do. It might not be easy for you to even consider. But please open yourself to the possibility that you could make this happen - gradually, with practice and intention, over time. Possible?