patience is the key

Patience and kindness are keys, tracy.  You are starting to answer the question you say you don't ask, "Where am I now?"

Please know that struggling with your issues and relationships is part of recovery work.  Thank you for writing, and please share with your therapist.  You might consider showing her the letter you wrote here.  That might help both of you, give you a bridge.

warm regards,

Joanna