never thought of it as shame

Dear Tracy,

Sometimes, when a patient of mine has trouble speaking about something, she will bring in a journal entry or article or picture to help her start the conversation.

Also it's often difficult to see shame or think that you feel shame because shame has to do with your sense of identity.  If shame is thoroughly part of your system then you have no place to stand to see it.  It permeates everything.

That's why I say that healing from shame is not a thinking process.  It's an experiential process based on emotional learning.  Patients learn to trust their trustworthy therapist.  That's the first step.

When that happens they have emotionally learned to trust. They are capable of trusting. They recognize trustworthiness.  Then they can expand their lives to include more people, one at a time, in their "trust circle." And they learn that they are lovable and worthy of respect.  That's a big part of this shame healing process.  Again - not intellectual knowledge but solid down in your gut and bones knowledge.

Mmm. Eating disorders play havoc with "gut knowledge."  You are so conscientious and dedicated, Tracy.  I have every confidence that you will move forward.  Be as brave as you really are. :)