more present in therapy today. I told my therapist of my fear that I will spontaneously combust or have a break if I start really talking about things or feeling things regarding the abuse. I was able to discuss my grief over "leaving myself behind" as that abused child, and not being able to "reach out" to comfort her. I discussed my guilt over over letting the abuse happen over and over again, recognizing that, of course, it was not my fault. It was a good session. I feel the need to try and do so much in one session. It was a good session overall, glad I was able to contribute more this week. Bearing the pain has been a little rougher these past few weeks. A lot of intrusive thoughts, memories, images. I know I have to work through this. Atleast I am trying. I think that is pretty brave. Shhh I wanted to comment on your forum post about how you feel about your body. I don't think anyone on this site has peace about thier body, so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Even if you think you are really seeing yourself for what you are, the likelyhood is that you are being harder on yourself than you should be as you suffer from eating disorders. Bigger, smaller, in between, correct body image and self esteem are not our strong points here. i keep reminding myself that having a healthy inside is more important than what we think we need to look like on the outside. afterall, our looks don't keep us alive. Our good health helps to keep us alive. And yes, I think I look bad no matter what the scales say, no matter how many people tell me I am not fat...it's a torment that helps to enable our eating disorders. Hope you are doing better~