Joanna, I feel like I've had a taste of

Joanna, I feel like I've had a taste of my “center” these last two weeks. It started when I realized a core belief I had about my body wasn't true, but was a cover up for my insecurities. After that, my negative self talk went down a lot and I felt a little better, so I started to look at other negative core beliefs. I've discovered so many ways I've put blame on myself because it's easier to criticize myself then to change others; even if what they did to me was extremely painful. My negative self talk is down to almost nothing right now and I've found ways to nurture myself that I never thought I even liked! I've developed a compassion for myself that I didn't believe I deserved before. I'm taking time to stop and think “Do I like this?” “Do I believe this?” “Is this in my best interest?” I've also decided that I don't want to spend my life hating myself! I'm getting close to 50 yrs old and I don't want to spend my middle years giving ED any more of my energy! I want to enjoy my body and my life while I'm physically still able. I want to explore my “open spaces.” Yesterday I reported all my great discoveries in my therapeutic group and I knew without a doubt that I'm on the right road and I'm committed to living my best life. I felt wonderful. Then I cried all the way home. But I was able to not criticize my tears but to ask “what am I feeling?” “What are these tears for?” I realized I'm scared of these changes; I'm giving up security blankets and survival techniques that I've been using since I was a child! The old me would have gone into a panic, but I reminded myself that I've over come some major things and my Creator has always provided me with the strength. I also reminded myself that I don't have to do this perfectly and I don't have to have all the answers. Change is hard thing for me, so of coarse this is going to feel uncomfortable; it doesn't mean I'm weak or not committed to recovery....it means I need to find extra support and I need to make sure I nurture myself a little more. I was able to turn my feelings of fear into a positive discovery!! Recovery can be hard, but it is so worth it!!