I'm at a place where I feel like things are beginning to start picking up again on my journey. I have come to realise that the journey isn't just one long smooth ride into recovery and a glorious sunset of happily ever afters, but that learning to take the downs as well as the ups, and acknowledging that they are part of the ride too, is important. I feel as though I am just starting to move away from a series of modifications, I suppose they are preparations in a way. I am alone again with my girls, yet still good friends with my husband and at peace knowing that he is getting the help that he needs, I have cut my mother out of my life completely now, which isn't what I wanted and that is still a source of heartache, but I realise it is the only way I can deal with someone who is still so hurtful and damaging to myself and the people close to me - it is necessary for me to move forwards.I am also building bridges and trying to improve a relationship that was difficult because of the impact of a third party, and I feel comforted knowing that my true friends are still my true friends and a great source of mutual support. And I guess the two biggest things for me, aside from relationships, has been that throughout my recent struggles I have managed to do two things, that I have never done before...one is to reveal my vulnerability to others, which I was shocked to discover didn't drive them away or make me unpalatable or "too needy", if anything it has brought me closer to them, and the other is to ask for help and support without feeling like it is wrong, and like I am a burden, and like I am not justified in asking for it. And so onwards and upwards I go...and for the first time in months, I see my eating starting to improve, I feel calmer inside, and can catch hold of a glimmer of that warm, loving, happy place that I haven't seen for such a long time.