And I really do feel what I wrote. My challenge is daily as I battle the voices in my head that tell me not to eat. Today, I find myself bargaining with the voices to cut back my food just enough so I don't get to the point where my brain doesn't work...it's like I want to have it both ways. I know that's not possible...but I want to stay "better", so that is why I say preparing..my heart is in the right place..I am just working on my head. I have to remind myself of how much better I feel when I eat. I have to read the posts I write when I am doing better so that I can see how I got there. One thing I am also working on is staying in the present. I am trying not to worry about anything past today. It does provide me with some anxiety release to do this. But it has taken practice. I am also asking for help, both with babysitting so that I can get respite, and with getting more therapy services for my little one. I am reaching out to see what I can do to make things better for her, instead of being the cranky, bitchy :( mother I was when I didn't eat. So preparing has been a process.