I need to be more careful to take care o

I need to be more careful to take care of myself. I feel like I have such extremes in how I think about caring for myself...I have the determination of an ox one minute, then I am totally terrified the next minute. I don't want my family to worry about me, so in that sense I will try to eat better for them, until I can do this for myself. This is crazy hard. I do need more help, but I can't afford to see my therapist more than twice a month as I pay out of pocket (she doesn't take insurance). Thank you for understanding what I am going through.