I love your determination! It's fueled by your love for your children, and that's a mighty force. Yes, one of the agonizing apects of eating disorders is profound psychological and emotional isolation as you move among other people who think they know you.

I'm so glad you wrote out your experience. Writing in this way empowers you to reveal your own secrets to yourself and discover you can bear them. That's a vital first step. Once you can do this you have already developed beyond your old limitations.

It's terrific to know that you can. Then, from this new perspective, you can gradually bring more compassion, kindness and understanding to your true experience. This helps you to develop and continue to develop. You start making different and more healthy choices because you can cope with the consequences.

Recovery is gradual, step by step with lots of unexpected surprises that come from healing along the way. It's not linear, but it is progressive.

Please remember, secrets are a terrible burden. Coping with them and freeing yourself from their burden involves developing new resources within yourself. You didn't have such resources that you didn't have when you were a vulnerable and exploited child. You reached for what you could and that turned into drugs, alcohol and an eating disorder.

Now, in recovery, it's time to pick up the development that stopped when the abuse started. It sounds like you have begun.

Congratulations on weathering the worst of your storms. Now you fight off disappearance so you can be a sturdy and loving real presence for your children and for yourself.