I have felt really gross and fat lately. My doctor has me on yet another medication for my joint pain, which is causing water retention and weight gain. I am trying so hard not to pay attention  to the negative voices that tell me to stop these medications that are so helpful for both my depression and my pain.  But that leaves me with feeling so bad about my body. I canceled my appt with my therapist. I left a message with her on sunday stating that I would not be there wednesday, that i felt too fat to be around her, that I am embarrassed because of how I look. I have stopped going to church, and I have stopped going most places people know me unless I absolutely have to. I didn't hear from her yesterday. I emailed her last night to ask her to let me know if she got my message. She didnt call me this morning or return my email. At noon I called again and her answer was that she has been busy. I hope she is not angry with me for (yet again), messing up any progress we have made. l told her this was not about her, that is was my fear and embarrassment. Now I feel bad.