fleeting feelings of relief

so over the past few weeks, despite the fact that I have been actively engaging in ED behavior, I find myself having these fleeting moments where I think I will just surrender to acceptance of who I am and where I am at. I had this moment yesterday and again today. Two days in a row, a couple of times last week...more than I have in a long time, to say the least.  My thinking goes something like this. "I am who I am, I can't change it overnight, I am sick of obsessing 24 hours a day, diet pills and laxatives are just a vicious cycle,  I have friends who accept me, I have co-workers who accept me, I am not totally disgusting, just go with it"....this thinking washes a feeling of relief over me that I cant describe.  I would like to think I can work on having more of these moments.