Dear Melanie and Shh, A mild and easy format to follow when writing to each other, especially here when such sensitive subjects are being raised, is to lead with "I" statements. If you have a strong reaction to what someone has said, and you want to tell them what you think about them, i.e. what they are doing, thinking, feeling, etc., use that thought as a signal to pause and go in. Then you go inside yourself and see where that subject or action or thought or feeling relates to you and your life. Then you start your response by saying "I feel (think, do) that in this way." "I used to do that until....." "I still do that." "I still feel that, but I no longer do it." "I do that and am working xxxxx way to do it less or differently or not at all." You see what I mean? In 12-step (I do love their slogans)they say, "Don't take someone else's inventory." This means they ask everyone to tell their own story, share what may relate to someone else's story, but don't get into someone else's mind or emotions. I like the principle. I doubt if much recovery in 12-step could happen without this aspect of their format. What do you think?