Secrets go beyond food behavior. Overeaters often try to give themselves a sense of power, thrills or feelings of superiority. They may buy things beyond their resources. They may have secret sexual relationships. They may flee a relationship if they suspect the person sees through their eating pretenses or is aware of their buying or sexual binges.
If any of these secrets apply to you then you know about the darker side of secret keeping. You get scared. You cry or shake in the dark. You occasionally isolate yourself until you feel there is not a soul who cares about you. You feel helpless and angry regularly.
You make private, wild promises about changing, but can't. You binge on food or other activities until you feel drugged. You may be hung over for days.
You won't tell anyone about this secret personal hell you're living. You make complaints of being ill. You may accept or expect caretaking and feel profoundly sad when it is not enough.
Now we are entering the vast areas of secrets you do not know about yourself. Here are major signals that you are entering a secret territory within yourself. You yell, cry, plead or become stone silent with someone while feeling self righteous.
This may be a familiar and recurring scene, yet you may not wish to know how you contribute to create it. You may not wish to know how your troubled- eating practices and binge behaviors cause many problems in your life.
You can succeed in not knowing. You have for a long time.
To explore how you create some of your troubles would bring you uncomfortably close to your unknown inner secrets.
What are these secrets? What is the darkness from which they arise? Letting your curiosity come forth will help you tolerate your feelings as you explore the possible roots of your inner secrets.
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