Hi Joanna. I have missed you and the community. I'm glad that you are enjoying your new journey and that you are back in online. 

The definition of sustain is very interesting...stand up and hold. I have been sustaining my recovery at a level that is good compared to a couple of years ago - very steady - and yet it could be much better. I've been reading The Happiness Trap and learning about ACT. I'm finding at almost 50 that I've lost touch with what I want for myself aside from keeping my job and getting by. I've started to think about values again and a quality life would look like.

I'm finding it difficult to negotiate between accepting where I am with in terms of being someone who is sensitive and wired to be more anxious and someone who is not satisfied with good and is willing to tolerate a lot of discomfort to see if maybe I can be even better in my recovery.

One of my providers is very much in accept and live with compassion for the parts of you that are still a little disordered. The other is very much saying challenge yourself and do not accept good enough and fight for a full recovery. I fall somewhere in between and don't know which way to lean in. I am not sure I can lean too far to the challenge side and keep up with work and the hubby and the cats. The emotional load of challenging can be exhausting.

Hi shh. It's very good to see you online too :) I have been doing some gardening this summer just because I love being in the dirt and watching things grow. I have a small yard and even so there are always parts that are wild and need tending. I have had a lot of moss lately and decided that maybe it looks magical and I should let it be instead of trying to pull it all up. Some of my plants look kind of sorry and I can't take on all of them at once so I try to help one at a time as I can.

One fun thing I did this summer was plant Sunflowers. Talk about magic! They are taller than me and as they fade I am excited for them to be food for the birds.

shh It sounds like you have done a lovely job of supporting the little creatures in your yard. I'm not sure nature would want you to feel guilty!