working thru this ED has involved my attempts to find myself in the middle of all of my family chaos. I was not at my mother's house five minutes today before she was unloading her unhappiness with my dad, how all of her children have disappointed her, how she has no idea who she would trust her younger children to if she dies...etc,...I have dedicated my entire life to my parents. I have sacrificed many, many things to be there for them. I have passed opportunities because I felt I could not move far away from them...because they "need" me. So, after initially becoming very upset with her and getting worked up, I took a deep breath and decided that I would run the errands to the store for the forgotten dinner items. I took care of myself by getting away from the situation. This type of manipulation from my mother, and devisive issues within my family, are the types of things that help fuel my food issues. Last week I wrote that I had removed myself emotionally from one of my sisters with whom I feel great stress. Although this sounds mean and selfish, I understand why I did it. I have felt some relief not being subjected to her drama and anger. I have not visited my family as much as I used to secondary to all of these things I have written about. So how does this fit into the blog topic? My new beginning has been for myself and my kids. To step away from situations that have been causing me great distress. I can't see "life and joy" around my family. But I can enjoy the life I make for myself and my children, and enjoy the unconditional love of my friends who would rather cheer me on in life, than tear me down. I love my family, but my healing process is coming thru walking away from the fire, instead of staying in the house while it burns down. I will always be there for them, but within reason, and not at the expense of my children and my self-worth. I told my mother this after she unloaded on me, and right before I left for the store...she cried, but she survived. She did not bring up anything else upsetting or triggering for the rest of the day. I was able to salvage the afternoon with my family that included some siblings who live out of town, and whom I rarely see. Overall, it was a productive and nice day. (the gym was closed, so that was a bummer, but that is another topic). tracy