Tracy I don't really have time to respond right now, but I wanted to say that it is very common in cases of child abuse, for the child to co-operate and in some cases even become dependent of the abusive relationship, because that secret they shared made them feel "special" and cared about and wanted, often in situations where the child wasn't able to satisfy their natural urge to feel loved and cared for properly, in any other way. And that is how the behaviour perpetuates itself into adulthood, with associating sexual attention with feeling wanted & cared for, and why although it seems crazy, we find ourselves getting into sexual situations at the times when we are actually feeling very vulnerable (because it equates in our heads to "care") I don't know if any of that rings true or makes sense to you? but I think you are a very brave lady! x