Today

It's interesting how you often are speaking to me where I am. If you asked me if I have rigid thoughts, well I would probably say that I do where math is concerned, but I took math in college with an excellent teacher and received an "A". My only "A" in math. He used to say, "You may not understand it now, but you will.". I didn't really understand the math, but I loved the way he made me think that it was possible. 

My best friend laughed hysterically when I said that I "somewhat" trusted a person this week. She said "You don't trust anyone". I said "I don't?" She said "No, you are always trying to protect yourself.".  Huh?

I spent some time thinking about that. I talked about it in therapy. I cried uncontrollably for the whole evening. I cried all day today. I guess it has to come out. The tears and the truth.

My oldest child said "Mom, can't you find something inside yourself to give you comfort?" Huh? This is not the first time this question has been asked, I will. I have to. 

I did a yoga dvd for the first time tonight because I promised myself, my therapist and my best friend that I would do some form of exercise. I could feel my body. I could breathe in a coordinated way. I was really relaxed at the cool down and I didn't want to get up. I'll do a different dvd tomorrow. I feel pretty good right now.