Thoughts

I'm back from vacation. I've had an unusual day. At dawn, I decided I was done with this eating thing. I had complete confidence in myself. I started the day by listening to the Ted talk on vulnerability that was on Joanna's fb page. I read a quote about choosing how you react to something. Then I went into work. I had an unexpected meeting with my new boss where I was offered a position in another building. I was shocked on the inside, but I knew that when I walked out of her office that I would take the other position. In my mind, I was given the opportunity of a door. A fresh start. 

If I stay, she will attempt to destroy me. I don't think she is worth the effort of fighting back. I'm a strong woman, but I don't need that in my life. I'll take the opportunity.

Two years ago I asserted myself as a parent of a child with special needs. My new boss was the administrator responsible for coordinating my child's 504 plan. It was two months into the year and her services had not been started. I spoke with her regarding this in person. I was polite. She told me that it was due to the fact that my child did not have a green light next to her name in the computer. My child is physically handicapped, you can't really overlook her. I waited three more weeks and heard nothing. I went over her head and asked for assistance from my big boss.

Apparently, my new boss still resents me for that.

I had every right as a parent to expect action. This however, took place during my time of great pain and grief. I was new at asserting myself and easily annoyed by the shortcomings of others. I don't know if I handled it properly then, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I didn't yell, I just asserted myself in writing and I received action. 

Today, I handled myself properly. I was calm. I didn't react. I didn't mention the past. I talked about my strengths and I asked meaningful questions. I watched myself from a distance. I recognized the opportunity. 

After all of this happened, I learned from a co-worker that a former colleague had been hired back after being laid off. She wants my current position. I suppose, I should be upset, but I am not. I don't know what I am walking into, but I know what I am leaving behind and for that I am thankful.

However, I'm not in my body. Even though I have jet lag, I feel very strange, but short of eating two handfuls of raisinettes, I haven't done any harm to myself. I have to cook dinner, but since I am not in my physical body, I'm finding it difficult to jump up and get busy. I'm trying to process this without food. When I ask myself what my body would like to do, my body is telling me to go outside for a walk. I will do that after I cook. Maybe that will help me integrate. I don't know if anyone else deals with this type of disconnect here. I'd like some suggestions if you have any.

I'm curious about how my husband will react to this news.