Thank you, Joanna. Yes,I do have a wonderful therapist who is also a psychiatrist. I see her for an hour atleast twice a month. She is very knowleageable in the area of eating disorders. I feel safe communication my issues with her. I have gotten a copy of your book this week. I am taking it to my appointment next week. I want to make sure my therapist will work with me through the book. Tonight I was at the grocery store with my 4 year old. As I was picking out cans of cat food for my very picky cat, I glanced over at her as she was holding a can of cat food herself. She was looking at the back of the can where the nutrition label is..she cant read, keep in mind, but she said "No, I can't buy you, you have 100 calories"...and I watched her put it back. My heart broke. I didnt realize how I must sound, look ,act everyday. I am so scared to get fat. I feel like a bad mother because I feel I am putting my needs above theirs. I don't know. I think I write here too much, but I am struggling so hard and it helps just to write sometimes. I am not seeking your response. I am not borderline, seeking attention, or wanting pity from anyone. I don't self-injure, drink or use. In fact, I am also a therapist. I work with patients everyday. I think it is harder sometimes because I am afraid to let other people know how bad things have gotten. I recently did confide in a very close friend and told her that I am doing poorly again (she knows about my past history). I sometimes think I need a break from this very demanding job. I need to do something. My back hurts, my heart pounds and I often feel like the floor is going to come up and hit me in the face. I am scared to start this work yet again...but I also remember how good life can be in recovery..like I said..so scared. Thank you for your dedication to all of us with your posts and personal insight :)