Joanna, I feel like although the list doesn't capture dread very well for me, I am finding it useful in that, because I know that I do, do some of the things on that list, like trying to make myself smaller, and looking at the floor to avoid eye contact with people, wishing time away, distracting myself (with my ED behaviours) etc...

I am using those ideas to sit and reflect about why I do those things, what is usually going on at the time? what are they helping me to avoid? and so on... which is really quite interesting to get into.

Jackie - just wanted to say hello, I am also a binge-eater, although I have also been a restricter too, but in adulthood it's the binge behaviours that are more prominent. Take your time with Joanna's book - it is wonderful, but if like me, there is an inclination to race off and read the whole book grasping at all the new and useful things, do make sure that once you've read it, you go back to chapter 2, and give each chapter the time it merits.

Wow...I am just realising that, that need rush off and read the whole book, grabbing and new concepts and stuffing them in without truly digesting them ...it's a bit of a parallel to bingeing really isn't it?

So I am questioning why, why the need to do that? Something about being prepared for what lies ahead - to make sure there are no nasty surprises or disappointments maybe? To need to pre-empt what is going to happen? Made me tear-up to write that, as I am seeing how it links into the ambivalent nature of my background, of my parents attitudes, that never knowing what you're going to get, one day a behaviour is met with praise, the next day a similar behaviour met with violence and aggression.

Gosh - so much to get into here, I realise how it links in to a ceratin behaviour of my mother's that "sneaking off when the baby is asleep or distracted" - the uncertainty that went with going to sleep or letting my guard down, that she might disappear and I won't know when/if she's coming back.

Woooah - so much insight  coming here - I know I've gone right off on a tangent here, but definitely something to journal about and give more attention to - think I might finally be getting to the bottom of why I eat

S x