I enjoyed reading this post, Joanna. I was just thinking about the ways I say yes or no when I want to say the opposite. The following is something I realized about myself just today.
So I have Lupus. I frequently don't feel well either because of the meds, or because of the joint pain, or because I've gotten sick from having a compromised immune system. Regardless, I always question how I'm feeling when I'm not sure if I can work and am contemplating calling out or leaving early. My mental dialogue goes something like this.
"Are you sick ENOUGH to call out? Are you being a wimp and a baby? Is my boss going to believe me? Will she be mad? I know we are short-staffed...maybe I should just go in..."
I'm not sure where or when it started but I have a difficult time rating my pain. I don't seem to know how I feel, then I question my thoughts about my pain, then cave into my boss' plea for me to come to work. "Maybe I'm not really in pain, or maybe others could handle this pain better than I??"
I hope this makes sense because it is a frequent happening that I can't say no or defend myself when I'm sick or feeling bad. I know I was always hiding emotional pain as a kid. I had to suck up the madness of my sexual abuse. I wasn't about to tell my mom why my jaw hurt all the time - we will just stick with "the soccer ball hit me in the head "...
So yes, I struggle with yes and no.
I am not a complete hoarder, I just don't have a lot of room for all my stuff. I have belonged to a Freecycle group for several years. It's easier to give stuff away to people who need it, than to throw things away - especially when I don't think they have worn out their usefulness :)
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